Another of my beloved family members has committed suicide. That makes four so far that I know of. I say that because due to my leaving the Jehovah's Witness group, many of my family members do not include me. I was a fourth generation Jehovah's Witness. Since I left I have found out about four suicides just in my family. It has been devastating to say the least. And, that does not count the members who have considered it. What can we do? Why is this happening?
I remember doing some research on this subject some time ago. What I found was that over the last twenty years or so there have been many doctors and psychologists that have done studies and proven that the percent of Jehovah's Witnesses that commit suicide is much higher than non-Jehovah's Witnesses. This is so sad. What are we to do about it especially given the fact that most of them will not talk to us-the ones who have left the group?
For me, I write this blog hoping to encourage those who are looking for answers as I am. And, I keep in touch with the family members who will talk to me. I show I care about them and offer them unconditional love. And one day hopefully they will be open to getting help for themselves. I pray a lot. Does anyone else have any helpful tips they can offer or experiences?
I was a former JW. I had been raised in the truth form the age of about 5 or 6, when my mother started studying. I was baptised in my early 20's, and spent my entire life thinking that I was doing something wrong if I made a mistake. I was told that I should not go to college, etc..etc. Well fast fwd to 2009 when I divorced my now ex husband, and left the truth, due to being disfellowshipped. I went to the elders and let them know that I had met a man, and got pregnant by him. I also let them know that we were in a relationship, but that I had no immediate plans to remarry. I was disfellowshipped by the end of my meeting, and have been having a hard time since. My mom is a JW and my sister is one as well. She is currently disfellowshipped but has submitted her letter for reinstatement. My mom and my sister were my only family. My father died when I was 3 or 4 (nvr knew any of my paternal family)and due to being JW, as a kid, my mother kept my sister and I away from the other family, cousins, aunts, etc. I have 2 older brothers who are nuch older than me, and were out of the house living with other family members early in my childhood. One is heavily on drugs and abusive to women, while the other is a molestor. At any rate my mom stopped talking to me just right before my wedding to my second husband in about April of 2011. Around the same time, my sister told me that she would be getting disfellowshipped as well. Long story short, my mom and sister have both stopped talking to me in accordance with the JW policy to stop talking to anyone who has been disfellowshipped, or have willingly left the organization. So I am hurt and DEVASTATED actuallly. My sister just recently wrote her letter to go back about 2 weeks ago and I have not heard from her since. Prior to this we were talking weekly. Over the last few years I have thought about suicide ALOT. I was hospitalized in Oct 2011 because I knew that if I didnt check myself into a hospital that I would not be here today. Today I have the thought again...much worse than ever before. I have been doing research to find the easiest fastest way to die. But get this...I am afraid to die either by accident or intentionally because of everything that I learned a s a JW. I don't know what will happen to me when I die. If I committ suicide I was told that I have "grieved the holy spirit" adn that it is an unforgiveable sin in which I will suffer everlasting death. If I die in a car accident I will suffer the ever lasting death because I will have died while not in a good standing with Jehovah, so there is no forgiveness for that and no life after this life for me. I am sick of it. I am scared all of the time. Scared to live, scared to die. But ...if I am dead, it wont hurt anymore...right? I worry about my husband and my 5 kids. How can I leave them? They need me! But how can I live with myself believing that I am on Gods bad side? I have been going through a lot these last couple of weeks due to my husband losing his job, and finding out that my sister was going back etc..etc..and my husband says that I need to look at things in a more positive way. But how and the world can I be positive when everything that I have ever loved has been taken away from me? I have no one. I feel so lonely. I just feel so scared all of the time. HELP!
ReplyDeleteHello Anonymous,
DeleteI am so glad you are talking about this. First let me say that a very good website to look up would be www.jehovahswitnessrecovery.com. Many people (unfortunately) are going or have gone through what you are now. But, that means a lot of help is available right now. You are not on God's bad side!! He loves you. You are his child and He does not want you to hurt. The practice of shunning is not loving and should stop. But, until more witnesses realize that, you must seek other association right now to help you through this. It is very painful not being able to speak to family! But, you will get through this!! You are right, your family needs you and so does your husband. You have a lot to live for and God has not left you! He never will. Your family is misled and thinks they are doing the right thing. For now become more involved with other friends and family. What about your husband's family? Are they supportive of you? I had to stop concentrating on how my family was treating me and focus on my immediate family all the while I was doing alot of bible reading and study on my own. Soon my mood started to change and become more positive. Reading the Bible on your own will help you know for sure that God loves you and He has much more in store for you. In time your family may leave the witnesses too and will need you to be there for them if possible. He loves all His children. Just as you love all of your children. Please keep in touch and keep talking to others who have gone through this. There is alot of support out there, you are not alone.
Sincerely JimmiK
Hi, my name is Dawn. I have read your post and it has touched my heart. I was a Jehovah's Witness and by my own choice, I left the organization. I am troubled to hear you say that you are scared to live and scared to die. First, Jehovah wants us to be happy. Jesus said to take his yoke because my yoke is easy and my burden is light. You should not be feeling as you do. Jehovah is close to those that are broken hearted. Your repentance is between you and Jehovah. The elders can not save your life, only you can do this. And, the best start is to resume your relationship with Jehovah. This relationship is "between you and Jehovah". In other words no one can establish a relationship for you with Jehovah but you.
DeleteNow, that you can have a relationship with Jehovah on your own and without others, you should want to live. You have something to live for. He is the same Jehovah... He has the same promises.... He still wants to draw people to him. He is still merciful....He is still you friend, reach out to him and he will direct you... As far as family, sometimes you are better without them. You live!!! You live until Jehovah calls you home and do not let anyone take your JOY!!!
I've left the faith and am struggling with suicidal feelings. I don't want to live anymore. I don't have any advice I need advice......is it even possible to have a normal life after jw life? My friend Jaime killed herself last August after being disfellowshipped at least she isn't suffering the family rejection anymore.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up there is a lot of help out there. Start with support groups for former witnesses.
DeletePlease know that you are loved and valued and many people are wanting to help when you leave the organization. If you feel comfortable leaving your email address I can communicate with you that way. Leaving is hard BUT things will get better! So many people are becoming educated concerning this problem and have left years ago and can give advice. Stay close to your support system. Do you work outside the home? Do you have friends or relatives that are not Jehovahs Witnesses? Let them know you need extra support right now. For me, I started a job outside the home and gained many wonderful friends that way. That gave me the confidence I needed to go on, pick myself up. Please let me know how else I can help. Friends of Jehovahs Witnesses is also a great website. Even though I do not always agree with all of their religious views, they seem very sincere and comforting as well!
ReplyDeleteWith Much Love
Please stay in Touch and dont give up!
Look at this as a new beginning, not and end!
The real truth is better than you ever thought.....
To those who have made comments please give us an update. We could love to know how you are doing! If you need my email address please let me know.
ReplyDelete